Am I Proud to Be Conservative?

I felt it necessary to post about this. Maybe the blog lives on after all.
So yesterday the Conservative Committee on Jewish Laws and Standards voted on 5 responsa about homosexuals, their right to marry within Judaism, and their right to be Rabbis. 3 responsa passed, one maintaining a ban on commitment ceremonies and admitting gay Rabbinical students; one permitting Conservative rabbis to perform same-sex commitment ceremonies and permitting the Rabbinical schools to admit homosexual rabbis (this responsum also continues to forbid anal intercourse between men); the third, suggested that congregations should encourage homosexuals to undergo "reparative therapy." What the fuck!? I do not know who voted for what resolution and how many voted for each. But I am thoroughly disgusted that there are at least 6 Conservative Rabbis who want to encourage therapy. Forget 6 members of the CJLS, 6 Conservative Rabbis period. I am appalled. But at least I'm glad that institutions that have no problem ordaining adulterers can stop pretending that homosexuality is a crime against everything for which Judaism stands.

Is this the end?

Thinking about retiring the blog. Not because people don't read it (and I believe that some people do), not even because people don't comment on it. But because I miss actually talking to my friends, and since I don't seem to have a fan base beyond my own friends (though if you're out there, or even better, in Israel, let me know!), the blog may have to go. But before then, some thoughts on life these days.
In 11 days, if I do not succeed in extending my visa, I will be an illegal alien in this lovely land of Israel. Of course, since I'm white and wear a kipah, I don't think I'll get much of a hard time, but if you see me in the US in two weeks, it may not be a good thing. On the other hand, if you see me in the US in two months, it could mine I've given up. Because Israel's feeling great in the short run, but I have this haunting suspicion that in the short run my experiment here is just a mistake. I've mapped out my life in academia: 2009: finish my masters at TAU. Exhaust the subject of Israeli hip hop, which, by then, is basically nonexistent. 2010: After a year of applying to PhD programs, I return to the US, getting my doctorate somewhere in NY or Philly. 2013: Having finished my course work, I go back to Israel for field work. Somewhere along the way I question why I don't just try to meet a girl instead of putting it off until I finally settle in Israel. 2016. I finish my PhD and move to some place in middle America I've never wanted to live because I get a job there. 2023: I'm on my 40th birthday, I finally move back to Israel, single. Or, my wife decides she doesn't want to come with me, so I stay in the US, thus ending my Zionist dream. I take a sabbatical one semester and teach at Tel Aviv university, and I let my students write papers in English.
It's hard to believe that I kvetch so much in this blog, and yet I am actually happy here. Well, really, I'm happy here. But how long can it last? Hopefully my time in Israel will long outlive my blog. And who knows, maybe I'll write some good news in the blog one day.

Mistaken Identity

I love living in Tel Aviv. I'm still only slowly making friends, but I'm happy here. I automatically have a connection with any American I meet (for better or worse, it's easier to connect to Americans than Israelis), I've found it easy to be shabbat-observant, and I even have a Masorti (Conservative) kehila of which I'm a part. In short, being an American and being observant have not made me miserable here.
But as much as I've had no problems yet with my own observance, my "religiousness" (read: kipah) stands out wherever I go. Obviously there are few kipah-wearers at hip hop clubs and concerts, but I haven't even been to many of those. But amongst my friends I'm often the token dos; in my classes I'm the only guy with a kipah; and at peace rallies, you can bet there aren't a lot of minyanim around.
And people start to assume things about me. The Peace Now guy on campus asked how I reconciled my politics with my being religious. If I were wearing a baseball cap, he wouldn't have assumed anything about my religion, since we hadn't discussed it. But at least he understood why my religious beliefs are the cause of my political beliefs, instead of the two being in conflict. The protesters at the Rabin Memorial were perhaps less understanding. Trying to say hi to two Women in Black (anti-occupation protesters) whom I recognize from school, I was answered with dirty looks instead of friendly hellos. Maybe I shouldn't have worn my orange shirt.
Of course, my most obnoxious interaction related to the upcoming Jerusalem Pride Parade, a march in support of rights for homosexuals. At a birthday party, a complete stranger decided he wanted to discuss controversial topics (his words). He asked me my feelings on the upcoming march, and I told him that I planned to go to Jerusalem to march in it. He laughed and answered, "now how do you really feel?" I really felt like he was a huge moron, but I stuck to the topic at hand.
So where do I direct my anger? For one, the idiot at the birthday party. But more importantly, even though it's the left-wing that seems to have trouble accepting me, it's the religious whom I blame. For sure, there are others out there who are more religious than I and more left-wing. And I'm sure some of them are politically active. But I think it's time that religious left-wingers start justifying their politics on the basis of their religious beliefs, and not despite them. I'm clearly furious at those who use religion to justify homophobia, murdering a prime minister, or denying basic human rights to Palestinians. But I'm also more than a little pissed that they've made religious observance so synonymous with these things that I'm pegged as advocating things I find abhorrent. So Friday, I'm going to march proudly. Proud that people can identify my kipah with a cause in which I believe.

How Can We Sleep When Our Beds are Burning

Ten points to anyone who can tell me why I titled this long-overdue post the way I did. (hint: it's related to how long it's taken me to write, not the content of the blog.)
Some updates on my life:
I can no longer count the number of friends I have in Tel Aviv on one hand. And this is without having started school or finding a job.
I start school on Tuesday. I should have started today (in fact, I should be on my way to Hebrew), but I didn't register in time. Oops.
I scored 6 points short on getting an exemption from taking Hebrew. Those 6 points cost me 500 sheqels and 6 hours a week, but if I get an A on my first test, I can drop out of the class.
I have a job interview on Sunday working in the office of a group that runs Birthright trips. I'm torn between wanting the job and not wanting any job that won't let me go to camp this summer. While I don't actually know that this job will want me here during the summer, I have a hunch that they'll want me around during Birthright's busiest time. But that's just a guess.
I hear from Galei Tzahal this week. I'm less than optimistic.
Now that I have cable and I'm paying extra for Fox Sports, they aren't broadcasting Eagles games.
I've invited over 30 people to Shabbas dinner at my place this Shabbat. I don't have a dining room table and I have 4 chairs. Better get on that (or hope that people don't show up).
Ok, enough of the unimportant stuff. On to the significant change in my life:
I am no longer interested in writing about Israeli hip hop.
Yeah, that's right. The most distinguishing characteristic of mine, which I have focused on for the better part of 5 years, which I have chosen as my direction for the next 2-3 years, is no longer true. Israeli hip hop has grown boring to me. Maybe it's because I go to an Israeli hip hop club and the music sucks (and not a word of Hebrew was played). Maybe because the only hip hop song being played on the radio these days is Subliminal's Toro, with such profound lines as "Ani toro, mfutzatz im dinero," (I'm a bull, exploding with money). Or maybe because I explored already and didn't find anything interesting in it. I mean my strong thesis statement was that Israeli hip hop is not as interesting as other forms of hip hop. Unless of course, you make up shit about it. But I didn't want to do that, and I still don't want to do it. I'd love to be the world's expert in Israeli hip hop, but first, I'd like Israelis to create something about which is worthy to write. I mean there was a fucking war in Lebanon for god's sake, the entire country is protesting. And I do not hear one protest song in this country. Not in hip hop form, not in rock form, not in soulless bubble gum pop form. Nothing. I'm tempted to release a song myself. Of course I have no talent, but that shouldn't stop me in this country.
So yes, I'm angry at the music industry in this country. Because I am back to square one. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do in life, and I am currently enrolled in an MA studying something which grows less interesting to me every day. I live in a great apartment in a neighborhood so removed that I can barely convince any of my friends to visit me, let alone find a roommate among my friends looking for apartments.
On the plus side, I may have found a job reading Torah at a local conservative minyan. So all is not lost. Yet.

Jerusalem, If I Forget You

So we're closing in on almost 2 weeks in the strange/home land. In these past ten days I have begun to get my apartment painted, bought dishes, a bed, a sofa set (3 and 2 seaters), been promised a dining room table, chairs, and a television, registered for classes, received my official acceptance from the university (clearly this is stream-of-consciousness and not chronological), bought 7 new hip hop cds, and seen shotey hanevua live. I still have not gotten health insurance, a roommate, or a job, and most embarassingly, I still haven't eaten schwarma. I could really go for it now, but some jackass Jews had to murder Gedalya, so schwarma will have to wait.
Some things are coming quickly. My vonage should be ready tomorrow, so start calling me then. My apartment could be ready as early (which is still late) as Thursday, so I can start living a more normal life. I may even (shas ve chelila- Audrey and David, are you there somewhere?) spend this coming Shabbat in the Tel Aviv area, instead of Jerusalem.
Which brings me to the title of this post. Last year, you may remember (if I were a half-way decent blogger, I'd link to the post, but I'm not) that I claimed to like Tel Aviv more than Jerusalem. When push comes to shove, I think that I might, at least from Saturday night to Friday afternoon. For now, though, being outside of Jerusalem is really difficult. For starters, I have about 2 friends here. And to make things worse, I'm not even in Tel Aviv yet, I'm staying in Herzlia. As wonderful as my family as (and they really are wonderful people), I don't really have any opportunities to meet people out here. So day in, day out, I get up, and either lounge around the house for the day, watching way too much television, or get up early, go to either South Tel Aviv or the University area, and try to take care of errands. This leads to a lot of spending money, a lot of looking at things I can't afford, and not really the best time in the world. As no part of Tel Aviv feels like home yet, I find myself constantly longing for Jerusalem, that town I so desperately fled so often last year. Jerusalem is where my barber is, where my pizza place is, where the ice cream place that killed my dreams is (see the obit in April), where pretty much all of my friends are.
So this all begs the question, why aren't I in Jerusalem? I think my answer came from Rabbi Diamond, asst director at the Conservative Yeshiva (or ConYesh or YeshCon or however it was that one very attractive Pardes student put it). I could stay in Jerusalem forever, and I would probably feel at home come the chagim, and each year, I would welcome in new friends in September/October, and then say goodbye to a whole bunch in April/May. And that might be a lot of fun. But I am not interested in having good friends all of the world, while constantly needing to make new ones right where I am. So maybe this year I'll lose out on having a close hevra like I had last year (who thankfully will be returning in a few short years at Machon Schechter). But instead, slowly but surely, I may actually make some Israeli friends, (or at least Americans who are here to stay), and I won't have to start over year after year. And then I won't have to write any sappy/depressing/moapy blog posts come next September.

Longing for the Motherland

Or maybe I'm in the mother land right now. So I miss that other place, you know, that strangeland I'm a homey in, or something like that. (And yes, that "something like that" was just a way to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition). So here I am in LA, unable to focus on pretty much anything, other than being a little hungry. And how I don't know what I'm doing for school. Or for a job. But I think I have an apartment (roommate, anybody?), and a handful of friends spread throughout the country. So basically now I need to work out those school/work issues (I really, desperately need a job), and I could probably use High Holiday plans. Any suggestions?
Meanwhile, Hackit tours America continues. My trip to California ends tomorrow, bringing me back to Philly on Sept 7. On Sept 11, I leave early for Maryland/DC. If you're there, let me know, we can hang out. Then Sept 13, back to unemployment, uncertainty, Milk and Honey.

The Joys of Permanent Wireless

Back home from camp, back to 24/6 wireless internet and computer usage. Some updates on my life:
I really had fun at camp. Sweet.
I still do not have an Israeli girlfriend, or a non-Israeli girlfriend who will be living in Israel, or a girl with nothing to do with Israel. But I think I actually made some friends. Milah.
I got into Grad School. I start TAU on October 22 going for an MA in Sociology. Lots of hip hop research, here I come.
Still havent heard back from Arutz 24. But I sure as shit am not giving up.

In the meantime, I am in the United States until Sept 13. That's a really long time, so make plans to see me!